This year’s MLK March in Rocklin was a lovely event on what was otherwise a dark day for many of us. Leading up to the day, I had decided I was not going to watch the news but instead put energy into my community and into some self-care. While at the MLK March the keynote speaker, Judge Dixon, gave a beautiful speech reflecting on Dr. Martin Luther King’s words on service. To me service really is about compassion. An acknowledgement of the complexities of human existence, how each of us navigates through those complexities and the value of giving grace to others because we all know how hard and messy life can be.
My self-care for the day was a visit to the salon for a cut and color. I’ve been going to this stylist for less than a year, but right away I liked her. She’s kind and speaks kindly of others, she’s funny and easy to be around. As usual she did an amazing job with my hair and as I got into my car, I realized I was smiling. Thinking on my time with her I realized one of the reasons I feel so at ease and happy with her is because she is a great listener. Being a good listener is a skill, no doubt one she’s had opportunity to practice through her profession. Fast forward to later in the day and I was doing what many of us do but, wish we didn’t; I was mindlessly scrolling social media, specifically Instagram. I came upon Stephen Colbert’s interview with the hosts of Pod Save America. This clip of their discussion was all about the challenges the Democratic Party faced in this last election and how they felt it was really due to a challenge with listening. I had a full circle moment then.
Listening is showing compassion, it is a way to be of service. It’s how we can demonstrate to those we interact with that we have interest in their experience, that we want to know and better understand what their life is like. I think many of us would consider ourselves good listeners, but I’d like to challenge each of us to truly evaluate our own listening skills. In my own evaluation and effort to improve, I’m focusing on curiosity over contribution. I know my own story so I can contribute to any conversation with tidbits and similar experiences of my own. But is that giving me a better understanding of the other person? Is it making us better connected? I think people feel connected when they feel heard and accepted. I believe that is why so many folks voted for the Trump administration. I think many folks felt heard and had their perceptions and experiences validated. As I said last month in my article, the way we got into this situation (politically and societally) wasn’t quick and easy and the way out won’t be either. But we can start small, controlling the only thing we have control over which is ourselves and our own actions. We can choose curiosity and listen to see what we learn. In doing that we can each be of service.